As usual this post is simply my opinion. So what you read below is only applicable to me, If you agree with what I say great, if not please read this part again… 🙂
Our true feelings and emotions are usually lost as soon as we try to translate them into words. Likewise even the words are often easily misunderstood. Take femininity, it can be expressed in a multitude of ways. The mind conjures up a host of looks and emotions when you hear the word, so in truth how can one word ever hope to convey all of that. A majority of women around the world would identify as being feminine, but I suggest it would be very hard for them to reach a consensus on what being feminine actually means or looks like.
Sure I’m not a woman and I’m not trying to be, but that doesn’t stop me possessing bags of feminine energy. It has burst forth all my life, even when I was trying to be a “normal’ man. Now I openly identify with being genderqueer, the fem side of me is taking over everything, no doubt in a attempt to make up for the time my poor deadheart has been incarcerated within a lie.
For me my feminine side is expressed in all aspects of my life from the way I hold a cup, talk, walk, dress even sleep. It comes from within and is unknowingly based on all the women I have ever witnessed in the real world and even those portrayed in film and TV. What it means to be feminine comes in through all my senses, it’s fermented in the brain and then expressed in my own unique way.
I am not trying to look like a ‘typical’ woman whatever that means, I’m dressing up as Exhumea who may or may not be wearing things people typically associate with women. The difference is subtle but very important, at least to me. I have always loved the look of high heeled Victorian lace up boots. Sadly very few women wear them nowadays and you certainly see even fewer men wearing them :), So when I put a pair on society straightway wrongly or rightly sees me as trying to be a woman (and failing) when in truth I’m just trying to be me.
I have spoken in previous blogs about my weight loss being about becoming more androgynous. However I am not gender neutral, I am genderfluid. I do somethings that are seen as ‘typically’ female and some that are ‘typically’ male. A few things I do that society would label as feminine: grow my nails long and paint them, pluck my eyebrows, do everything to make my eyelashes look naturally longer. (Castor oil seems to work for me). Everyday, twice a day I cream every part 😉 of my body, and finally I de-hair my body twice a week with a NoNo (it does work it just takes forever but that’s another post.)
But I am veering off topic. The upshot is all the stuff that may look to everyone else as some bloke trying to look like a woman, is done from a need to express the true me in that moment. It is not done for a sexual high or to trap men into thinking I am hot stuff (that was written with tongue firmly tucked in cheek) as you have to be very drunk or short sighted to think I was ever ‘hot stuff’ in any form.
Sure some men and women may get turned on by crossdressing and that’s fine, for many it is just a fetish, but that’s not me. When I put a pair Victorian boots on I don’t suddenly become aroused, I don’t sit fantasizing about wearing the boots. I love that style and when I’m expressing by feminine side to the world that is what I wear.
So in summary, I do what I feel when I need to express my innermost feelings. The more liberated I feel the more I tend to express my feminine energy. It has been suppressed for so many years it feels exhilarating to be out and free. Having said that it also can feel very confusing even frightening and lonely. Like it or not being feminine as a man is still a long way from being considered ‘normal’ or acceptable. despite what they may have you believe on the TV.