Sex and Gender Assumptions

ASSUMeexumeadeadheart

For me, two of the biggest misconceptions / assumptions about gender-fluidity are firstly that its something new, secondly all people that cross-dress are gender-fluid. I reiterate what I have said in previous posts, being genderqueer is more about thoughts and feelings than appearance. Sure people that describe themselves as Genderqueer / gender-fluid can and do wear clothes from both male and female wardrobes, but they don’t have to, there are no rules. Society is always very very slow to realise this. For example even in our so called ‘enlightened’ times many still hang on the idea that gays and lesbians can only sound or act a certain way.

It would be fair to say that it is our assumptions that hold our world back and keep our minds closed. It is often the case that even those that claim to fight for freedom and equality are just as quick to pass assumptions on others when it comes to how they look. Clothes, makeup, nail/ hair length and even the colours they wear are used to often wrongly pigeonhole and discredit people. These assumption are really outdated rude and sexist. FYI Women that attack other women because they make a living off their appearance are just as sexist as any man.

The guy that rolls down the window to wolf whistle the sexy long haired blonde in the tight jeans only to discover, in fact it is a male heavy metal fan bears out that our limited view of the world is deeply flawed. Our small minded judgements are the same reason true equality is still decades off.

Sure gender-fluid sounds strange and sadly derives much ridicule, the name may be new, but the feeling of being gender-fluid has always been with us . Think about it, not all those bullied Sissy boys and Tomboy girls of the last century grew out of it, nor did they identify as, or become gay or lesbian. They were the others, the outcasts without a label, who felt and expressed life differently because human experiences simply aren’t or have never been that cut and dry.

So when you see a beautiful girl who is ‘obviously’ a boy, a strong looking man who is ‘obviously’ a girl, don’t assume anything about their sex or gender. If you do you will probably not only be wrong, but also even if you have the best intentions cause embarrassment and offence. This stuff is difficult for all of us, we can feel like we are all walking on egg shells, but if we take it slow we can start up meaningful dialogues with each other. If you don’t know if someone is a he/she/they etc, then simple smile and say hello how are you or hello how can I help you. Be friendly, be nice and assume nothing.

GenderQueer keeping the label big…

Humans have an Innate need to label things, it’s really not our best quality. Once a thing has a label we believe we know it, once we think we know it, all the wonder is sucked dry. We wander through the universe tagging and bagging everything. Everything must be pigeonholed including you. You can stamp your feet and scream till you puke, but once you’re labelled ain’t no one coming by for a long time, if ever to re-evaluate.

Like them bitches ‘fear and doubt’, your label will usually limit your life experience. For example, on exiting the womb you’re usually labelled boy or girl, that would be ok if it simply let people know what parts you have should you want to produce children. Sadly, genitalia is used by ‘the system’ to start a whole array of fixed programming patterns from colours, to hair cuts, emotional repertoire to even the material your clothes are made from. Despite the fact we claim society supports male and female equality ‘the system’ says otherwise. Thankfully for ‘the system’ at least most people don’t question their labels and those that do are just given another one which seldom does much to improve the situation. Let’s not forget the labels are usually handed out by traditional grey system men, who may mean well but simply don’t’ have much imagination or colour in their life. Even in 2018 boys that like pink and girls that like blue are still considered well’ special’ and it is typically hoped they grow out of it, or if necessary have it beaten or humiliated out of them by their peers.

I was given a label of boy as a child which my penis demands, my life, yes all 50+ years of it has been a rather difficult affair because very early on I figured I hated the boring life roles, not to mention the toys boys got. I was a hopeless boy and wanted to be a girl, as i aged things started not to seem so clear cut. Now I’m finally happy being  whatever the hell I want, whenever I want. Sure that really pisses a lot of people off,  including i’m sure my own parents if they were still alive. No one believes anyone should be able to have their cake and eat it too. People don’t like ambiguity, it requires that they treat everyone they meet as individuals which takes too much time and effort. However I think life is too short to be typecast into a role you never even chose.

All my life people have always called me different, even my own family and friends. I had no official label for my difference 40, 20 or even 2 years ago because either the label Genderqueer /gender-fluid didn’t exist or I’d never come across it. However, once I did hear the label and really thought about it I understood it was large enough to represent my myriad of feelings and desires. Everyday I feel people will do their best to make this large umbrella label as small as all the rest. They will say you have to be A or B and look like Y or Z in order to fit the tag.  If that happens and the label does shrink in the wash then I may conclude it can no longer fit me.  I wish we didn’t have to have stupid labels, but sadly they are needed in our small minded world. At their best labels protect, bond and validate thoughts actions and feelings, at their worst labels alienate, segregate and lead to trains that take people to be gassed.

exDtrooper

The Genderless Action figure from my childhood that sadly never was