It’s hair removal day (again).
From body builders to self proclaimed femboys , athletes to drag queens one of the most physically and mentally irritating tasks we all have to undertake is body hair removal. If money and time are no object then professional electrolysis is without a doubt the best option for those of us that hate the sight of hair. While by no means as permanent laser hair removal comes a close second. For me at this time neither option is within my budget. So for those of us that are to broke or simply too embarrassed to get our hair professionally removed our options are not great. Many people just bite the bullet and shave themselves down with a razor or go the cream or waxing route. Personally I was lucky enough to be given a NO!NO!, by a friend who didn’t really think very much of it.

I’m sure anyone who has ever watched an infomercial channel will be aware of the NO! NO! Hair removal tool, if you google it you will find a mixed bag of reviews about it, but for now the No!No! like ben Kenobi for Leia is my only hope.


Luckily for some reason I grow little to no hair on my legs, and compared to most ‘real’ men I’m really not very hairy at all. In fact it takes me almost 2 days to get what most would call a five o’clock shadow . However I do have body hair and frankly I hate it. In the past I would just shave myself down with a razor or electric shaver, neither option were great for me, as I have very sensitive skin that breaks out. No matter what I tried to aid the shaving and healing I still got ingrown hairs, lumps bumps and all the stuff you just don’t need. My skin has always been like a rare orchid lol, so if I was ever to be a beautiful hairless creature shaving was not going to get me there.

So Then I was given this NO!NO! Hair reduction device, Now let’s face it, for most people this thing is not cheap and I guess if I had paid the asking price I would be rather underwhelmed, even pissed off by how it performs. As I didn’t I find it OK and for me it’s a good option. I have no clue what version this is I’m using, but I think it must be at least 3 years old. So how this performs compared to the newest models I can’t say. So how does it perform Exhumea? I hear you all screaming. Well first this is not the kind of device you can get the hang of in 10 minutes, nor is it going to remove all your hair like a razor in seconds. This thing requires a skill to achieve the right angle, pressure and speed, even when you have it’s still slow going. It does remove hair and it doesn’t have for me any adverse skin reactions, ok if you go over the same area in one sitting it gets red but not sore and it doesn’t last. The No!No! Basically burns your hair off with a very low current, it doesn’t smell very pleasant another reason a lot of people don’t like it. Over the two months I’ve been using it, it is my perception the amount of hair that is growing back is reduced, but I can’t scientifically prove it.

So would I recommend this product ? Well it really depends on your level of patience and desire to be hairless. If £200 doesn’t seem like a lot of money and you have the cash then give it a go, if your going to put it on a credit card or go without food then I would recommend you do a lot more research before parting with your cash.

One thing I can’t remove with the No!No! are those odd hairs that randomly grow on the back of my fingers (see image) these drive me crazy. I have to resort to a good old pair of tweezers and pluck them mother cluckers out. Next month I will be buying a home waxing kit so I will let you know how I get on with that and if I prefer it .

Pluck those Wee Beasties

No matter what your reason for banishing hair from your body I think we can all agree sadly for now science and technology still has a lot of work to do in this area.

Finally I have no affiliation with the company that makes the No!No! 


Valentines day can be the most wonderful or painful day of the year. Personally I didn’t get a valentines card until I was about 24, so I had many years of knowing Charlie Brown’s pain.
I pity the younger me now as I do all of those that believe that finding that ‘perfect’ person will somehow solve all their problems, it seldom does. The truth is we really do need to know who we are and yes even love ourselves before we can ever hope to be of any use to someone else. Love requires total openness and honesty to succeed and unless you can look in the mirror and know who you truly are, warts and all, it will probably fail. If you are happy to lie to yourself you will in turn lie to everyone you meet and claim to love, which is a recipe for a disaster.

‘If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?’

I think the quote above should be the first thing every school should teach every pupil. It truly would be far more useful to the world than learning how to count or read.




As usual this post is simply my opinion. So what you read below is only applicable to me, If you agree with what I say great, if not please read this part again… 🙂

Our true feelings and emotions are usually lost as soon as we try to translate them into words. Likewise even the words are often easily misunderstood. Take femininity, it can be expressed in a multitude of ways. The mind conjures up a host of looks and emotions when you hear the word, so in truth how can one word ever hope to convey all of that. A majority of women around the world would identify as being feminine, but I suggest it would be very hard for them to reach a consensus on what being feminine actually means or looks like.

Sure I’m not a woman and I’m not trying to be, but that doesn’t stop me possessing bags of feminine energy. It has burst forth all my life, even when I was trying to be a “normal’ man. Now I openly identify with being Trans, the fem side of me is taking over everything, no doubt in a attempt to make up for the time my poor deadheart has been incarcerated within a lie.

For me my feminine side is expressed in all aspects of my life from the way I hold a cup, talk, walk, dress even sleep. It comes from within and is unknowingly based on all the women I have ever witnessed in the real world and even those portrayed in film and TV. What it means to be feminine comes in through all my senses, it’s fermented in the brain and then expressed in my own unique way.

I am not trying to look like a ‘typical’ woman whatever that means, I’m dressing up as Exhumea who may or may not be wearing things people typically associate with women. The difference is subtle but very important, at least to me.  I have always loved the look of high heeled Victorian lace up boots. Sadly very few women wear them nowadays and you certainly see even fewer men wearing them :), So when I put a pair on society straightway wrongly or rightly sees me as trying to be a woman (and failing) when in truth I’m just trying to be me.

I have spoken in previous blogs about my weight loss being about becoming more androgynous. However I am not gender neutral, I am a trans women. I do things that are seen as ‘typically’ female despite at this time still looking like a ‘typically’ male. A few things I do that society would label as feminine: grow my nails long and paint them, pluck my eyebrows, do everything to make my eyelashes look naturally longer. (Castor oil seems to work for me). Everyday, twice a day I cream every part 😉 of my body, and finally I de-hair my body twice a week with a NoNo (it does work it just takes forever but that’s another post.)

But I am veering off topic. The upshot is all the stuff that may look to everyone else as some bloke trying to look like a woman, is done from a need to express the true me in that moment.  It is not done for a sexual high or to trap men into thinking I am hot stuff (that was written with tongue firmly tucked in cheek) as you have to be very drunk or short sighted to think I was ever ‘hot stuff’ in any form.

Sure some men and women may get turned on by crossdressing and that’s fine, for many it is just a fetish, but that’s not me. When I put a pair Victorian boots on I don’t suddenly become aroused, I don’t sit fantasizing about wearing the boots. I love that style and when I’m expressing by feminine side to the world that is what I wear.

So in summary, I do what I feel when I need to express my innermost feelings. The more liberated I feel the more I tend to express my feminine energy. It has been suppressed for so many years it feels exhilarating to be out and free. Having said that it also can feel very confusing even frightening and lonely. Like it or not being transgender is still sadly a long way from being considered ‘normal’ or acceptable. despite what they may have you believe on the TV.


EDnotfatI’ve Just added a Weight loss Page to this site, but I thought I may as well make post out of it as well.
I doubt this post will be of much interest to anyone else, but it’s here to keep me motivated to succeed, while keeping track of how I’m doing. As Transgender my first aim on my journey is to become as thin and androgynous as possible,  this  way is so I can remain fluid with my looks until the hormones kick in. There are so many great outfits and costumes that I want to wear, In truth I’m about a thousand sizes to big right now for all of them 🙂  You can view the stuff I love on my Pinterest page.

General health and diet
I have been overweight for a long time probably since around 1996, before that I was always very skinny. Fortunately I have always remained active and I carry my weight well (in clothes anyway). Despite my size I am relatively fit for my age, I’ve never ever smoked (no not even a puff) and I didn’t really start drinking alcohol till I was about 27. I decided to become a vegetarian 14 years ago, on 1st January 2018 I also cut out dairy and eggs for all intents and purposes I’m now Vegan. Personally I never found giving up meat hard and seldom if ever crave it. Likewise giving up milk cheese and eggs has not really been an issue. I eat a vegan diet now not just for health reasons, but also because I live in rural Scotland and see the life farm animals live. That said If people must eat meat and dairy, I recommend they eat UK sourced products, as I would hate to think what animal welfare is like in countries that don’t even have our ‘standards of animal care’.

In January I also started the the 5:2 fast diet which really isn’t a diet to loose weight as such, more a way of life, I concluded years ago diets don’t work, however after doing my research I believe that fasting does have positive health benefits. I fast on Mondays and Thursdays, on the 5:2 fast diet you still get to eat 500 calories on fast days. During the rest of the week I will eat normally. I won’t go into all the possible advantages of fasting here other than to say if even half of it is true I owe my body a chance to heal and repair from years of poor eating. View about the 5:2 fast diet here.

Drinking plain water is the key to success in all health and fitness lifestyles, I’m convinced most of us are actually dehydrated rather than hungry most of the time. While I understand many people would join a health club or start cycling or running to lose weight. I will not be doing this, I personally believe people often put to much of a strain on their bodies. It is simply my personal view that over exertion especially later in life can be very dangerous, I know a number of people who have started a new fitness lifestyle and ended up in hospital with broken bones, strokes and heart attacks. While everyone always says they will take it easy, most of us secretly believe we are superhuman. For me the best and most natural fitness is just to walk everyday, the human body was only designed to run for short distances to hunt or escape being hunted. I’m a big fan of dynamic tension, so everyday I do a small number of stretching/flexing and tension movements, this and moisturising with cocoa butter seems to help keep the dreaded stretch marks at bay. I think everyone is responsible for their own health, my personal life experience has made it impossible to trust doctors and the NHS, so prevention in my eyes is the best and only real option.

Below: I will update my weights and measurements every month, my weight will be updated on the 1st, measurements on the 28th. I see little point in measuring any more, as I find it can become counter productive, especially if things are not going as you hoped. FYI I’m 5’11 (out of heels lol)

Jan 1 2018 –  19.84 stone / 277.76 pounds 
Feb 1 2018 –  18.84 stone / 263.76 pounds
Mar1 2018 –  17.12 stone/ 239.68 pounds

Jan 28th 2018
Stomach at belly button: 50’’/127cm   Thigh: 27’’/68.58cm  Neck: 16 1/2’’ / 41.91cm
Feb 28th 2018
Stomach at belly button: 49’’/124.46cm   Thigh: 25.5’’/64.77cm  Neck: 16 1/2’’ / 41.91cm


It would be fair to say that it is our assumptions that hold our world back and keep our minds closed. It is often the case that even those that claim to fight for freedom and equality are just as quick to pass assumptions on others when it comes to how they look. Clothes, makeup, nail/ hair length and even the colours they wear are used to often wrongly pigeonhole and discredit people. These assumption are really outdated rude and sexist. FYI Women that attack other women because they make a living off their appearance are just as sexist as any man.

The guy that rolls down the window to wolf whistle the sexy long haired blonde in the tight jeans only to discover, in fact it is a male heavy metal fan bears out that our limited view of the world is deeply flawed. Our small minded judgements are the same reason true equality is still decades off.

Think about it, not all those bullied Sissy boys and Tomboy girls of the last century grew out of it, nor did they identify as, or become gay or lesbian. They were the others, the outcasts without a label, who felt and expressed life differently because human experiences simply aren’t or have never been that cut and dry.

So when you see a beautiful girl who is ‘obviously’ a boy, a strong looking man who is ‘obviously’ a girl, don’t assume anything about their sex or gender. If you do you will probably not only be wrong, but also even if you have the best intentions cause embarrassment and offence. This stuff is difficult for all of us, we can feel like we are all walking on egg shells, but if we take it slow we can start up meaningful dialogues with each other. If you don’t know if someone is a he/she/they etc, then simple smile and say hello how are you or hello how can I help you. Be friendly, be nice and assume nothing.

Humans have an Innate need to label things, it’s really not our best quality. Once a thing has a label we believe we know it, once we think we know it, all the wonder is sucked dry. We wander through the universe tagging and bagging everything. Everything must be pigeonholed including you. You can stamp your feet and scream till you puke, but once you’re labelled ain’t no one coming by for a long time, if ever to re-evaluate.

Like them bitches ‘fear and doubt’, your label will usually limit your life experience. For example, on exiting the womb you’re usually labelled boy or girl, that would be ok if it simply let people know what parts you have should you want to produce children. Sadly, genitalia is used by ‘the system’ to start a whole array of fixed programming patterns from colours, to hair cuts, emotional repertoire to even the material your clothes are made from. Despite the fact we claim society supports male and female equality ‘the system’ says otherwise. Thankfully for ‘the system’ at least most people don’t question their labels and those that do are just given another one which seldom does much to improve the situation. Let’s not forget the labels are usually handed out by traditional grey system men, who may mean well but simply don’t’ have much imagination or colour in their life. Even in 2018 boys that like pink and girls that like blue are still considered well’ special’ and it is typically hoped they grow out of it, or if necessary have it beaten or humiliated out of them by their peers.

I was given a label of boy as a child which my penis demands, my life, yes all 50+ years of it has been a rather difficult affair because very early on I figured I hated the boring life roles, not to mention the toys boys got. I was a hopeless boy and wanted to be a girl, as i aged things started not to seem so clear cut. Now I’m finally happy being  Transgender, for me that means for me I embrace my fem side, as it’s early days no one will confuse me with being a woman, in fact I will never ‘pass’ as a real woman, but I am proud to be apart of transgender women. In time I will begin to look neither male or female and that is when society gets frustrated. People don’t like ambiguity, it requires that they treat everyone they meet as individuals which takes too much time and effort. However I think life is too short to be typecast into a role you never even chose.

Everyday I feel people will do their best to make Transgender a large umbrella label as small as all the rest. They will say you have to be A or B and look like Y or Z in order to fit the tag.  I wish we didn’t have to have stupid labels, but sadly they are needed in our small minded world. At their best labels protect, bond and validate thoughts actions and feelings, at their worst labels alienate, segregate and lead to trains that take people to be gassed.

The Genderless Action figure from my childhood that sadly never was


This Post was updated/rewritten on the 23rd of March 2018


Today I’m outing myself as Transgender / , now you must understand this is just between  you and me, it will be our little secret :). For some, correction for many, Transgender is just a big eye roll, it’s what all the Coolest kids are doing these days until they figure out who they really are. The only problem is I’ve seldom been cool and it’s been decades since I was a kid. I’m 51 years old if you must know and happily as anyone can be married lol. I confess I figured out when I was a kid I was different in so many ways. All my life I have lived suffocating behind the persona of a ‘normal’ guy, while at the same time playing out a very different life style in my head.

I believed in my head was the only place my difference could ever exist, but after years of pain and suffering on all levels I decided enough was enough. Everyone around me seemed perfectly fucked up, miserable and lost, was this really anyway to live ones only life?
I was aware that I was becoming a very phobic and hate filled person, I was also aware I had far less life before me than a had behind. My time of languishing in depression and self loathing was over. It was time for the Transgender, happy, bright and loving me in my head to start running the show, as the Sad boy and Man I presented to the world had really done a shit job.

So what does being Transgender really mean, and more to the point what does it mean  for a person of my age, many people will say again, come on this is really just for the young and beautiful right? I have to say again No! However I do concede it is probably easier for younger people to be taken seriously, when they say they are Transgender. It’s  still simply not the done thing for people like me to break from the ranks of traditional  stereotypes. If one is brave enough to do so society at worse will hate and ridicule them  or at best simply ostracise their ass out of there.

When I was a teen growing up near london, back in the dark ages if I had said to my peers ‘look guys I don’t want to be tied down to a fixed gender’ first they wouldn’t even  of had a clue what i was talking about and after a few seconds of blank looks they would have said something like ‘YOU WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING QUEER OR SOMETHINK?’ and then probably kicked my head in just in case i was. Sure your still likely to get beat up if you say or look the wrong way around the wrong crowd, but society in general is slowly accepting we are all different.

I know I didn’t answer the question, what does being Transgender really mean? Well that my friends is the whole point of this blog, to relay what it means to me  (Take note I said to me). For me Transgender has more to do with thoughts, feelings and aesthetics than what seems to obsess the mainstream media, SEX. It goes without saying that many who do not understand will simply write being Transgender off as a SEX thing, a fetish or just a game of dress up.  In the Monty Python movie Life of Brian they say  ‘It’s every man’s right to be a woman’ . Now in 2018 Ideally it should be ‘It’s every persons right to be whatever the hell they want, whenever they want and not be questioned.’ I confess that’s not quite as funny, but let’s face it way more inclusive.


Till next time
Exhumea Deadheart
Exhume your dead heart today, it will thank you for it.