You may wish to view this post to clarify My use of Genderqueer / Genderfluid
Today I’m outing myself as GenderQueer, now you must understand this is just between you and me, it will be our little secret :). For some, correction for many, Gender fluidity is just a big eye roll, it’s what all the Coolest kids are doing these days until they figure out who they really are. The only problem is I’ve seldom been cool and it’s been decades since I was a kid. I’m 51 years old if you must know and happily as anyone can be married lol. I confess I figured out when I was a kid I was different in so many ways. All my life I have lived suffocating behind the persona of a ‘normal’ guy, while at the same time playing out a very different life style in my head.
I believed in my head was the only place my difference could ever exist, but after years of pain and suffering on all levels I decided enough was enough. Everyone around me seemed perfectly fucked up, miserable and lost, was this really anyway to live ones only life?
I was aware that I was becoming a very phobic and hate filled person, I was also aware I had far less life before me than a had behind. My time of languishing in depression and self loathing was over. It was time for the genderless, happy, bright and loving me in my head to start running the show, as the Sad boy and Man I presented to the world had really done a shit job.
So what does being Genderfluid really mean, and more to the point what does it mean for a person of my age, many people will say again, come on this is really just for the young and beautiful right? I have to say again No! However I do concede it is probably easier for younger people to be taken seriously, when they say they are genderfluid. It’s still simply not the done thing for people like me to break from the ranks of traditional stereotypes. If one is brave enough to do so society at worse will hate and ridicule them or at best simply ostracise their ass out of there.
When I was a teen growing up near london, back in the dark ages if I had said to my peers ‘look guys I don’t want to be tied down to a fixed gender’ first they wouldn’t even of had a clue what i was talking about and after a few seconds of blank looks they would have said something like ‘YOU WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING QUEER OR SOMETHINK?’ and then probably kicked my head in just in case i was. Sure your still likely to get beat up if you say or look the wrong way around the wrong crowd, but society in general is slowly accepting we are all different.
I know I didn’t answer the question, what does being Genderfluid really mean? Well that my friends is the whole point of this blog, to relay what it means to me (Take note I said to me). Its call gender fluidity for a reason it’s changing all the time and that is as it should be, we really don’t need yet another pigeon hole to stuff people we don’t understand in.
For me gender fluidity has more to do with thoughts, feelings and aesthetics than what seems to obsess the mainstream media, SEX. It goes without saying that many who do not understand will simply write Gender fluidity off as a SEX thing, a fetish or just a game of dress up. In the Monty Python movie Life of Brian they say ‘It’s every man’s right to be a woman’ . Now in 2018 Ideally it should be ‘It’s every persons right to be whatever the hell they want, whenever they want and not be questioned.’ I confess that’s not quite as funny, but let’s face it way more inclusive.
Till next time
Exhume your dead heart today, it will thank you for it.